Try, Try, Try... What if it is an infinite loop??

I never thought patience was one of the "very much" needed virtue for an IT professional (If i can call myself that). Till date i have never felt like chucking my comp out of the window (i have only thought of cracking it with a hammer) but now i am seriuously staying away from my comp as i might "just do it" out of sheer frustration of "designing" damn java application..

Hell.. (Thats where i feel i am).. how long should it take to design a stand alone application if u are not a tv addict.. I know for sure that a tv addict like me will need infinite amount of time to bring up the application.. unfortunately for me i wasnt one but i have become one in the past 3 weeks.. GOD save me and my project (provided he too is not busy watching tv)..

Well.. given that i have exactly 4 hrs now to finish and submit the application.. what is the probability i can code the application for which i had an entire month??.. It seems almost impossible to me.. but i have no choice in this matter.. or may be i do a have.. either i dont give up.. try and finish all that i can do.. submit it and say go to hell.. OR sit in front tv and give an excuse saying "i am not intelligent enough to proceed"..

If i know myself correctly.. I dont think i like to just "give up" anything without fight.. what the heck.. either i win or i lose.. but atleast i would have the satisfaction of "trying" to win.. and that i think is more than sufficient and is more important than anything else..

The path of Self Destruction..

A day in my life follows a common pattern.. A pattern of atrocious waste of time and procrastination.. Get up late.. a cup of coffee while watching the idiot box.. a shower and dress up.. start to plan what to do.. lunch.. who can work after lunch?? so back to siesta.. Evening tea.. watch a movie or cartoon etc while still planning what to do in the day.. huh what day?? its already ended.. so i decide "Tommorrow will be the day i will work all 24 hours".. so sayin its back to tv and late night movies.. unfortunately.. "Tommorrow never arrives".. whoever said "postponement is the thief of time" is wrong.. Its the murderer, not just thief..

The path of Self destruction.. making no efforts to improve myself.. letting my talents and intellect rot.. gaining over confidence.. procrastination to infinity.. no effective time and resource management.. no motivation to achieve goals.. no goals in the first place.. forget about achieving them.. no urge.. no enthusiasm.. no aything ang everything..

Where IS the drive to live life to the fullest?? the enthusiam to take things as they come.. the urge to excel.. the euphoria of success.. the thirst of knowledge.. the desire to help others.. the obsession to fulfill one's duty.. the need to attain peace of mind.. why am i falling behind?? arent these the main aim of my life?? how could i forget them??

What is it that i lack?? food ?? clothes?? shelter?? .. I have everything i need, including oppurtunity.. perhaps thats the problem.. U never realise the worth of what u have till u dont have it anymore.. just taking things for granted..

At times, i feel i am making no effort to change myself simply bcoz i dont want to change.. Why should i change even if i am following the path of self destruction?? I simply dont know the answer.. I dont know why i think the things that i think or do..

IF only there were answers to all the questions..
come to think of it.. if there were answers to all questions.. the set of uncomputable problems would be empty.. :D...

"Why".. What a Question..

Hmm.. What kinda question is "why".. Is it necessary that every "why" needs to have an answer??.. Sometimes.. try as hard as u might u cant the find the answer to a "why".. weird but u wouldnt want the answer to any other question but that "why"... If only we knew "why" on earth we want to answer a "why"?? (Recursive eh??..)

A New Begining

The first one I am writing.. After all, I will have to begin somewhere.. sometime or the other... NOW is the best...